I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
