I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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