she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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