I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
