everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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