I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
