Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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