so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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