Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
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"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Text me some of your sweat
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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