my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
