Me. At least after what I've been through.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
His hands were made for my vagina.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
