i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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