apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
