HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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