You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
