This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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