The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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