FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
