Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
even my farts smell like vagina
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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