It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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