I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
