I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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