I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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