You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
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You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
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I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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