I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I touched a dick in church today
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
