Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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