I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
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who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
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Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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