No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
