i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
