I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
