Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
