if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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