So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
