Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
