I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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