Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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