btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
