I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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