id be glad to
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
