how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
