I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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