i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
