I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
