none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
