I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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