we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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