12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
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I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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