Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
