I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
