After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
