you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
