Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
