I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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