Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize