My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
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Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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