she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
