Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
