He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
