Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
