I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
