I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
