i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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