I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
